is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
