i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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