I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
