I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
