i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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