sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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