If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need moral support for this bender
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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