This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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