Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
