You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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