What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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