Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
