I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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