TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
50% drunk capacity currently
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
