dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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