If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
