he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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