If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
