That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
