Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
