GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize