I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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