"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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