Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
