I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
