break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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