If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
