Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
