At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
