your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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