i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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