i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
