I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
