Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
