so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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