Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
