duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
