Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
