About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
