And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
