So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
