How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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