He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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