Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
