walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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