I need help removing her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
