just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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