i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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