I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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