it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
