we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
