ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
