I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
