dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
