The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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