I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
