dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
