Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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