im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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