okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He shit in the fireplace
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
