I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
