First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
