Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
