He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize