If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
