We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
