too bad you live with your parents still
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
