Taylor Swift is so right about you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
