drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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