can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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