Slut skills are useful in every country.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
