that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
