Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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