ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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