Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
