hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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