im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
