theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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