You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
