Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
