So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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