Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize